I am blessed with a happy family and friends. I feel as though I am living the life I had always imagined, I honestly assumed that anxiety does not exist and that I would never experience it

Not until I felt it… A year ago.

I noticed a difference in myself where I started to block all of my feelings and distanced myself from the things that made me happy. I began to avoid going outside, not even to the garage. I was having trouble falling asleep and was constantly crying. Plus, I experienced breathing issues, a pounding, racing heart, cold sweats, and numbness. I went back and forth to the hospital as the exhaustion affected my health. Well, not only my health but also the relationships I have with my daughter and husband. At that moment, I was so lost.

The healing started.

After a month of constant worry and anxiety about the things that I can’t control. Literally, my mind was in chaos. Maybe the reason why I was in the denial stage at that time was that I was afraid of judgment. I was hesitant to admit to people that I feel at my core that I was lonely.

Despite my shortcomings, I am grateful that I have a very understanding husband, who talks to me and listens. I started reaching out to a handful of friends whom I thought had it all together. I was wrong. I was surprised that they were struggling too. We ended up listening to each other’s troubles.  I was slowly opening my feelings to my family, sister, and brother-in-law.  I was overwhelmed by the overflowing love given by the people who surround me. They helped me get out of my slump. I occupied my time with the people that matter, enjoying the present moment. Meditation and exercise with my daughter really helped me go back into myself. If I had not done all of these, I don’t know where I would be today.

The realizations.

There are still days that I am dealing with anxiety because of many stressful situations that have been going on. The pandemic is not yet over. The climate is very concerning. There are sometimes unpleasant family conversations. Of course, there are unending bills to pay. Clearly, the future is a blur. 

I have read a line from the Daily Stoic, “We have to attack the day, so it doesn’t attack you”. Every waking day, we have to get up and be grateful. We have to get busy with life’s purpose, be in the moment, and be with our family. Be there for our friends; we have no idea what they are going through we never know when they might need someone to listen intently. Travel and savor the marvelous creations. Smile often. Dance like nobody’s watching. Sing your heart out even if you’re out of tune. Pray unceasingly. Put down your phones and start a conversation with your kids; you’ll be amazed by their witty, unfiltered answers, often full of sense.

Life is a series of ups and downs, twists and turns. We have to learn to embrace imperfections, process emotions,
and turn everything into something beautiful because it simply does.